he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
