i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
