he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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