A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
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