did you get engaged???
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
