Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
