he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
porn star boner night. come get it.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
