I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
And the cops told us we were all naked.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
