i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
