Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
