i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
