guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
