i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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