I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i barfeds in our rink
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I didn't notice because vodka
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
