btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
it's like heaven, but drunker
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
