4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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