he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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