if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
