He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
