Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
