1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Enjoy the penises
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
