I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
