so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
