If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
