are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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