8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
