508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
