Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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