We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
