Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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