i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
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