thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I want to have your abortion
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
