real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
