Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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