whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You are a genius and a whore.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
