sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
