it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
