god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
