I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He shit in the fireplace
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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