it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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