i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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