The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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