Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
