Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
