I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
