ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
