We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
