I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
