Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
