awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
